When we talk about investing we often think of investing in the stock market. But what about investing in ourselves?
A recent chat with The Discovery Project – who run transformational events for women – made us realise both our communities have something in common: women struggle to spend money on themselves, and when they do they feel guilty for doing so. Yet, as women, we wouldn’t bat an eyelid spending that money on friends and family. We might save up to spend £300 on a friend’s hen weekend, but talk ourselves out of spending that same amount on ourselves.
I sat down with Zoe, one of the co-founders, to talk about why women often struggle to invest money in themselves, and her experience of investing her money in herself.
Words matter
As women, we often use wording such as, “I’ll treat myself” instead of “I’ll invest money in myself.” It wasn’t until Zoe pointed this out to me that I realised how often I have used the term ‘treat’ in the past, and still catch myself doing it now.
When we frame spending money on ourselves as a treat it suggests frivolity, a short-term gain. We often use this terminology when we justify dropping £5 on something that caught our eye. It’s buying a sandwich when we’re out even though we have food at home. Or a purchase we make on a whim. And while there’s nothing wrong with small indulgences or spending money on things we don’t need, it suggests we’re not worthy of spending money on ourselves that has a longer term positive impact, therefore setting in those feelings of guilt.
Your relationship with yourself is reflected in how you spend your money
A lot of this comes down to our relationship with ourselves and how we want to be perceived by others. Zoe describes herself as a “self-confessed reforming people pleaser” which impacted what she’d spend her money on and why. “I used to spend so much money on buying drinks for people I barely knew to try and form connections”, Zoe says. But it wasn’t until lockdown that Zoe realised that going to the pub wasn’t an activity that she enjoyed, and that she rarely spent money on herself. When she did, she’d wait for an occasion – such as a birthday – in order to justify it.
Seeing yourself as someone who is worthy of investing in means you spend your money in more meaningful ways that benefit you. I’ve always been a big advocate for values-based spending because that’s when we really feel we’re getting our money’s worth, even if our spending is at a higher price point. For Zoe, this is a personal trainer as well as monthly two-hour massages that help to rest her nervous system. For me, it’s investing in private therapy for 18 months. Zoe and I both agree that these investments come at the compromise of other elements in our respective budgets. But ultimately, those compromises are worth it because we value the positive impact on our lives, which is more than we gain from spending money to keep others happy.
While it’s certainly not our place to tell anyone how they should spend their money, it’s worth considering whether you are spending money on the experiences and things that are important to you. This looks different to everyone. Consider what gives you the most happiness, and anything you really want to do but aren’t currently spending money on. Zoe sums this up perfectly in her final remark: “next time you hear yourself say, ‘I’ve always wanted to do X but it’s just so expensive, have a think: are you missing out on a valuable investment?”
After both experiencing severe burnout, one pandemic and 1000+ self-development books and podcasts, The Discovery Project was born. Founded by best friends Lauren and Zoe, The Discovery Project is on a mission to help put women on top of their to-do list. They believe that by creating spaces for women to share their truths and explore their feelings, we practise and give ourselves permission to do this in other areas of our lives. Reset your nervous system through wild swimming, paddleboarding and yoga on one of their women’s weekend retreats in Cornwall. Discover more about yourself through specialist workshops on topics such as boundaries and people-pleasing – giving you tools and strategies to embed sustainable change, reduce stress and be your own authentic self. At The Discovery Project you can speak without judgement, try new activities you never thought you’d do, and realise how unstoppable you really are. All photos on this article were taken by the talented Stephanie O’Callaghan.
